I just got a bit scared, playing about with Google Earth. I've been putting down placemarks as to where my friends are all disappearing to when they go to uni and the distance is visible from space.

A Certain Shade Of Green

Last night I was reminded again just how bitchy and downright nasty the pub cover scene can be. For one, I appreciate that my place in the band is something of a novelty for those that come see us. I am female and the youngest member of the band by about 15 years (our drummer is 30 years older than myself). There is only one other female on the entire Andover pub covers circuit. I understand the novelty there, but twice members of other bands have tried to use this for cheap shots. Bit low level?

I beg a question of the local scene of 40-somethings who play music for whatever reason... Can we please just stick to the music?

Incubus - A Certain Shade Of Green - "Are you going to stand around 'til twentytwelve AD? What are you waiting for, a certain shade of green?"

All the countless horrible grey clouds surrounding the concept of going to university cleared in my head today. I've been joking around with going to a university as far away as possible to get away from everything, just to break away. I was rooting around and looking at the websites of Scottish universities and I suddenly knew exactly where I was going and exactly what I was going to do. I stumbled on it by mistake but instinct has told me that this could very possibly be it.

Commercial Music at the University Of The West Of Scotland - Ayr (30 miles southwest of Glasgow)
"The primary objective of this course is to enable those with talent and ability to forge a varied, life-long career. Incorporating performance, business, technology and sociology elements, the course is delivered predominantly at University Campus, Ayr. It is structured around a spine of key skills modules (IT, Communication and Negotiation Skills, Structure of the Music Industry, Applied Creativity), and allows students to select modules in Performance and/or Production and/or Industry Environment/Sociology thereby customising the final qualification to suit their chosen career path.

Advanced project work including record releases and performance events will be staged regularly to develop the students' experience and understanding of the industry environment. Open to musicians, producers, DJs, re-mixers, those wishing to run small record companies, develop artists or stage live events, the course will encourage each student to develop a group of specialisms making them sufficiently versatile to sustain not one, but several serial careers in the music industry."

I just know that this is the general direction I am headed and I have never felt quite so sure about anything in my entire life. At college I have been unsure of which direction to go in, nothing really sticking out for me, but this is enlightenment. It incorporates music and media in so many ways.

- Choice of direction of the course, performance/production/sociology.
- Analysis of copyright and intellectual property.
- Professional practice.
- Digital music and video production.
- Events production.
- Investigation of the international music markets.
- Website design.
- Music product design.
- 4 week industry placement.
- Album production, venue production, artist development and radio production.
- Festival and tour production.

Steady On Your Feet

I am in self-destruct mode, though I don't know why. I think maybe I need to take some time to realign what really holds any meaning to me, and what will carry me to where I need to be.

First of all, a friend's photography project needs to be brought up. A genius idea, going with the PostSecret style; I was asked to do a card a while back and write a secret on it. I had never come across this "PostSecret" idea before this, so I thought long and hard. I don't think I have any skeletons and yet I think I do at the same time, so rather than trying to psychoanalyse myself, I wrote down an issue, maybe something that wasn't openly known before as opposed to a "secret".

I am no longer with one of the most nicest men on this planet. He is right, we are very different. However, I will always thank him for teaching me a lot about myself, whether he realised it or not. There were these little encouraging challenges from him that I needed, though they didn't really click until now. A "c'mon, let's go" or "c'mon, let's do this" or "how about...?" instead of shrugs of dismissal like someone with no aim in life. Little challenges, from a true day-seizer, someone who is really going places; I wish him all the best and guarantee that there will be someone truly amazing who will be the right one for him.

The "secret" on the card? "I've never trusted any man even though I have no reason not to."

That has changed and I am and will always be grateful.

Soul Asylum - Runaway Train - "You were there like a blowtorch burning, I was a key that could use a little turning."