I have been working at a pub since December now - they've given me 2 shifts in 4 weeks, which isn't so good. I can't leave because the chances are I won't get another job, but staying is like not having a job right now.
I quit Pretty Vacant. The direction changed completely and every song became a struggle to get through, a real contrast compared to last year when I would find my space in each song and surround myself in it. Come to think of it, I haven't really enjoyed anything for quite a while. I can't sit through movies, tv programs, gigs or anything anymore. They seem like petty idle distractions and by five minutes in, I want out. There's nothing I can think of that I want to do. My focus seems to have flown out the window and communicating this can be quite frustrating. I sit down and just think, where'd everything I live for go?
I'm a Gemini and I can't even peel myself off the frelling floor these days - not very Gemini at all.
My favourite people are all so far away. Em's in London town, Hyland's in Newbury and Bii's in Deutschland - Bii rocks muchly. I've never met another Thunderbird bassplayer who also happens to like Taken and be able to quote it too and who also happens to like the Backyard Babies.
All change I guess - I have 4 interviews coming up for university, Bath Spa, Hertfordshire, Westminster and Canterbury/Broadstairs. I have a lot of work to do before all these, which isn't very long indeed.
Still researching the family tree when I can. I am apparently mainly Shoshone Indian with some Cherokee and Chickasaw too.
"A sign of unresolve that, envisioned, drives the pinwheel on-and-on.
I am disabled by fears concerning which course to take.
When memory bears witness to the innocence, consumed in dying rage.
There can be no other means to the end, or keys to my heart,
You will never find, you will never find."
- Dead Can Dance - In Power We Entrust The Love Advocated
