The Backyard Babies

Went with my sister and my dad to see The Backyard Babies last night. Not bad at all! Zara's been a huge fan of Backyard for a while (understatement, about 4 years) and dad's still into his punk - he doesn't grow up!

Got to The Brook after about an hour and a half of driving and a few wrong turns, even with the satnav. Queued up for about ten minutes before the doors opened and we headed to the upstairs bar for beers and to watch the first band, Skintight Jaguars. They were pretty good, the audience just wasn't awake at that point sadly.

Next up, Crucified Barbara. Definitely a breath of fresh air, I haven't been so inspired or blown away by a band for about three years. Musically amazing and as weird as it seems, I've never seen a girl solo anywhere near the standards that I saw last night and the bassplayer showed up a lot of others with the walking fingers technique. Definitely checking this band out again.

The Backyard set passed in a blur, we were right by Dregen :-) They didn't play "A Song For The Outcast", but they did do "Fuck Off And Die", "Nomadic", "Minus Celsius" and "The Clash" :-)

I just got a bit scared, playing about with Google Earth. I've been putting down placemarks as to where my friends are all disappearing to when they go to uni and the distance is visible from space.

A Certain Shade Of Green

Last night I was reminded again just how bitchy and downright nasty the pub cover scene can be. For one, I appreciate that my place in the band is something of a novelty for those that come see us. I am female and the youngest member of the band by about 15 years (our drummer is 30 years older than myself). There is only one other female on the entire Andover pub covers circuit. I understand the novelty there, but twice members of other bands have tried to use this for cheap shots. Bit low level?

I beg a question of the local scene of 40-somethings who play music for whatever reason... Can we please just stick to the music?

Incubus - A Certain Shade Of Green - "Are you going to stand around 'til twentytwelve AD? What are you waiting for, a certain shade of green?"

All the countless horrible grey clouds surrounding the concept of going to university cleared in my head today. I've been joking around with going to a university as far away as possible to get away from everything, just to break away. I was rooting around and looking at the websites of Scottish universities and I suddenly knew exactly where I was going and exactly what I was going to do. I stumbled on it by mistake but instinct has told me that this could very possibly be it.

Commercial Music at the University Of The West Of Scotland - Ayr (30 miles southwest of Glasgow)
"The primary objective of this course is to enable those with talent and ability to forge a varied, life-long career. Incorporating performance, business, technology and sociology elements, the course is delivered predominantly at University Campus, Ayr. It is structured around a spine of key skills modules (IT, Communication and Negotiation Skills, Structure of the Music Industry, Applied Creativity), and allows students to select modules in Performance and/or Production and/or Industry Environment/Sociology thereby customising the final qualification to suit their chosen career path.

Advanced project work including record releases and performance events will be staged regularly to develop the students' experience and understanding of the industry environment. Open to musicians, producers, DJs, re-mixers, those wishing to run small record companies, develop artists or stage live events, the course will encourage each student to develop a group of specialisms making them sufficiently versatile to sustain not one, but several serial careers in the music industry."

I just know that this is the general direction I am headed and I have never felt quite so sure about anything in my entire life. At college I have been unsure of which direction to go in, nothing really sticking out for me, but this is enlightenment. It incorporates music and media in so many ways.

- Choice of direction of the course, performance/production/sociology.
- Analysis of copyright and intellectual property.
- Professional practice.
- Digital music and video production.
- Events production.
- Investigation of the international music markets.
- Website design.
- Music product design.
- 4 week industry placement.
- Album production, venue production, artist development and radio production.
- Festival and tour production.

Steady On Your Feet

I am in self-destruct mode, though I don't know why. I think maybe I need to take some time to realign what really holds any meaning to me, and what will carry me to where I need to be.

First of all, a friend's photography project needs to be brought up. A genius idea, going with the PostSecret style; I was asked to do a card a while back and write a secret on it. I had never come across this "PostSecret" idea before this, so I thought long and hard. I don't think I have any skeletons and yet I think I do at the same time, so rather than trying to psychoanalyse myself, I wrote down an issue, maybe something that wasn't openly known before as opposed to a "secret".

I am no longer with one of the most nicest men on this planet. He is right, we are very different. However, I will always thank him for teaching me a lot about myself, whether he realised it or not. There were these little encouraging challenges from him that I needed, though they didn't really click until now. A "c'mon, let's go" or "c'mon, let's do this" or "how about...?" instead of shrugs of dismissal like someone with no aim in life. Little challenges, from a true day-seizer, someone who is really going places; I wish him all the best and guarantee that there will be someone truly amazing who will be the right one for him.

The "secret" on the card? "I've never trusted any man even though I have no reason not to."

That has changed and I am and will always be grateful.

Soul Asylum - Runaway Train - "You were there like a blowtorch burning, I was a key that could use a little turning."

Questions Of Self

I think I need to post this for the one or two friends that do drop by this from time to time explained properly here

Certain common myths that the poster explains later include the "You just haven't met the right guy". If I had a quid for every time I've been told this, I could pay for my driving lessons, university education and quite possibly pay off a mortgage.

I'm not "saving myself" as I have informed most so that I am not roped into some long discussion where I will be disbelieved. I just don't want it. I'm not trying to keep myself pure so that when I actually do get married it will be "special". I am fully prepared and in favor of an entire life without. Don't assume that my lack of interest translates to "waiting for the right person" or some other excuse.

There we go, I've found myself.

The Levellers - Men-an-Tol - "It's there to find if you've got the mind and you don't live in fear of it."

T-Day

Well, I finally got around to getting inked as planned yesterday. Met Dan that morning in Salisbury and we sat and chilled with an epic Starbucks frapp - I mean seriously epic, mochachoca something or other, truly truly epic and impossible to finish (the kind of coffee that sends mere mortals into insulin shock) - before heading over to The Sharp Practice for my appointment and to meet Jac.

The Sharp Practice itself is a shop that me and my sister always stop by whenever we're in Salisbury, nice little alternative place, even though it is more often than not filled with a bunch of emo kids - typical skinny jeans, chunky belts and ridiculous haircuts, oh dear. Out back, is the tattoo bit, almost a separate shop with the usual racks of tattoo designs mounted on every available wall space. I gave them my design that was then scanned in and turned to a test transfer before I was led in to a small sideroom.

Sat down in a chair that looked all too suspiciously dentist chair-like, Mal, the guy I got inked by (known for specialising in massive, intricate and colourful Japanese designs - his work is incredible) placed the transfer, checked it with me and then prepped the ink into tiny little pots. This point is the true point of no return, and bloody hell, do you know it!

The transfer is set, the tattoo artist prepares the gun (giving it a couple of revs that have this brilliant way of making your stomach knot that bit more) and then the gun hit my skin, I was a bit disappointed. Not trying to sound hopelessly brave, but I did spend the entire 20 minutes wondering where this agonising pain was supposed to come in.

Quite fun to watch actually. Probably would have been worse if the needle movement was visible to the human eye. I was grinning like an idiot apparently. Gotta love endorphins, must get tattooed more often.

The rest of the day was chilled and it was the kind of day that you long for. The atmosphere between you and other folk is perfect and chilling with them is the best thing in the world. Budweiser and king prawns at Wetherspoons with Jac and Dan, followed by wandering about Salisbury, chilling in the cathedral grounds, ice cream and then a very random cinema trip with some of the drama lot. Incredible.

And just to gross you guys out and make those of you thinking about getting a tat think very seriously, this is the tattoo about an hour after inking :-)

"Look on it that you know how much it hurts not to be loved, and it makes being loved all the better for knowing what life was like without it." - David Clarke

Sorry folks, this one's going to be a bit depressing. It's just it's strange how this happens. I am beginning to dread that day each year when I become another year older, because each time, I lose something or get left behind to ask questions that will never have answers and never be heard by who they need to be answered.

It took 5 years of sending out an SOS, being told what/when/why was happening, but still not understanding it. Everyone around me truly had no idea. No idea how to make it right, no idea how to fix things. There were no answers for anything at all, except chemicals and the most hollow words, the days merged and there was no median or common ground with anyone at all, at least not until recent days.

After 5 years, I found an ally somewhere in the mess of it all and for once, I could breathe a bit easier. There were vast amounts of common ground and so many impossiblities, improbabilites and coincidences that reinstate my belief in fate, that some things and chance meetings aren't so chance at all.

There was just one person on this lonely, god-awful planet that knew exactly where I was and stood with me. I had truth, not advice, no answers, just a light in the dark; someone in the same place who made me believe that even though we had no answers, there was a vague glimmer of a promise, just an idea that we'd figure it out together.

I've done everything I can, all I need this time is to hope that all these words, truths and promises haven't been as empty as I feel they are now.

Matinee Club - Sometimes - "Sometimes I feel the things you say are words that I can't hear."

Taser Guns & Tarot Cards

I need some optimism here, my blog is looking a bit bleak, so I will write about last night. The PV Squadron played a neat little pub called The Railway Tavern, not too central to town as to get the usual host of crackpots and drunks, but not far out enough as to not get an audience at all.

We had a whole host of tech problems surrounding my bass amp last night, quite plausibly a dry joint around the DI - there was that horrible underwateryhissy sound and quite a bit of swearing. Amps really aren't built to last anymore.

Anyway, halfway through a relatively frustrating gig when we usually have our break, I went and sat with Ozzy and Pip, when a fellow pub-goer came over to us randomly and asked if we believed in tarot. Both I and my friends nodded and she asked if she could test her new cards out on us. We agreed and so were led outside to a table and a couple of chairs.

My past card was Kwan Yin, which refers to recent sacrifices, my present card Pele refers to certain creative events, while the one I was most interested in was my future card. This turned out to be Rhiannon, the card that points to ideas and aan ongoing project that wants to take off. This matched up exactly with what has been showing up when I have had my tarot done in the past 6 months. Ever since about, October, maybe longer, the future card points to an idea or project that is still formulating but will be successful. I think I know what that is, let's hope it works.

On another note, I am losing sleep because of a stalker... Does anyone have a taser? He is harmless as far as I can tell, but I could do without it.

The Fragile

It was a random day, waking up at stupid o clock because of noise on the A303 is a pain, but once I'm awake, I'm awake. Two hours later, about six, I got a text, much to my surprise.

It turned out to be a day of plans, much discussion, county-hopping and real randomities.

I met with Kitty at 12 at the Mills and within an hour, on a spur-of-the-moment dig, we were high-tailing it across the border to Wiltshire/Viltosheeristan to pick up an ally going by the name of Emzebah of Wintahsloca, a noble rogue living in the back of the middle of the front of nowhere(there was much concern as to cultural differences, "Do they speak English in Wiltshire?" "Dunno, but I haven't got my passport" and so forth). Stopped at Wintahsloca, and hit the road again, three rebels without a cause/clue, whichever one prefers.

Got to a pub in the strange land of Viltosheeristan, in a place called Armpitton, where we fuelled up on the local commodities and trinkets, much discussion about men, music and other random things, all the while scaring the locals (thanks to Emzebah of Wintahsloca for translating :-D ).

After offending many Viltosheerstanis we made a swift exit, kidnapping Emzebah as a guide to get us out of the strange land, dropping her off at the border at Wintahsloca, before fleeing the native llamas and arriving at an outpost/freehouse on the 'Ampshire border, and planning a very exciting side project as a distraction for the trauma experienced in Viltosheeristan. Once fuelled on coffee, it was back to the mills for a jukebox root before we decided to call it a (very random) day.

So, yes. I have optimism in the form of a nifty little side-project of two bored bassplayers. It's been discussed and kicked about before, but I think it could work. Lots of hope and sparkly things here.

Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile - "I won't let you fall apart."